Elle's Story
I had my 3 year old with me that morning when I went back for my follow-up
appointment. My babysitter fell through, and I had no one else to watch him. Somehow though, with him there with me, I felt safe. They
can't tell you something terrible if you're there alone with your young
child, because that's against unspoken human law, of course.
We sat in the waiting room, and I was thrilled to have
found the latest edition of Highlights sitting right next to Elle Magazine...so
fitting. So far so good, however, I had never received some requested information in the mail...I had to ask the front
desk though, "before I pay $25 for the co-pay to make small talk
with the Dr. and go over these results, can we make sure those results are in?
I had asked the lab to send a copy to me directly, but I never got a
copy..."
"I'm sure pretty sure they're in", she said, nodding, but I was unconvinced, so again I asked her,
"please, could you just make sure?"
I watched her walk back to my file on the wall where I was about to be taken
in, and pull out an envelope....but as she started to walk toward me with it,
the envelope itself was intercepted by the R.N., and after a brief discussion between
them that was too quiet for me to over-hear, the girl from the desk returned
for my co-pay; my results were in,
"But the Dr. has requested to go over them with you personally", she
said with a smile.
Thing was, I recognized that envelope; that's was my Breast Cancer stamp
in the upper right hand corner, and my return address label in the upper left
hand corner. That's my envelope.
My heart started to race, and I
desperately tried to regain focus and clear my mind.
I sat down next to my
human-bad-news-shield with the smiling face, and continued to look for hidden pictures
in Highlights Magazine, but my mind spun...I knew. There was no way in the world I
was going to be able to find the Sword in the Haystack or the Duck in
the Stairway....Everything was melting together, and I could hear everything as if it had all been amplified. Every stroke the receptionist made on the office keyboard, the phone that never stopped
ringing, a woman across from me was telling another woman that she couldn't stand
looking "old" any longer, while the other woman glared at my little
guy because he kept asking me if there were "hidden Fwoot Woops in duh
picdure".
I wanted to leave, but it was like
in that dream when your body refuses to do what you want it to do; you know the
one? The monster chases you, but your legs weigh 500 lbs a piece and you feel
like you're about to get swallowed, and then you wake up in a panic, sweating,
calling for help, still unsure if it was real or not because, DAMN it seemed so
real!
She called my name; I took one tiny hand, and the Highlights Magazine, and
followed her. In the room, I let him color the paper on the bed with some crayons I had left over in my purse from when we
ate out last week; he was in heaven, and I was in outer space.
The nurse came to ask if it was OK to take my little boy to get a sticker or a
piece of Candy, but that would mean removing my security blanket at this point,
because remember, its human law to never tell a woman horrid news while she is
alone with a young child. It's human law! The Dr. walked up, and asked
if I was sure because he'll have "fun with Jessica!" "Nope. I'll
be fine", I said short-like, and that was that. He pulled out my envelope, and handed it to
me, and I opened it for him, briefly glanced down at numbers and foreign language, and kindly handed it back with a friendly
reminder. "I'm not a Dr..."
He smiled, and said to me that he had his own copy, and that I would need to keep
this for my own records, and that I would need to be sure to keep all of my own
records because it's important from this point forward. And damn it, if I don't
still have a ways to go. He continued to talk about whatever it was he was
talking about, while taking a few more biopsies from my arms, and freezing
about 10 other questionable areas with Liquid Nitrogen. It stung, I think. I
don't remember exactly. I wasn't really present, and I refused to be, because
every time I tried to collect my wits, he'd say something about radiation, treatment,
and my future appointments that need to be scheduled "right
away"...he talked about cells, and sun, and tanning....I couldn't care
less about cells or sunshine. My baby was asking me if it hurt, and he was all
that mattered right then...
"Just please God, get this shit off of me", I thought to myself… I will go home to my
life, appreciate everything 100,000 times more, I swear to you, and I whole
heartdly promise to stay out of the sun forever and ever. Now please, make it go
away.
I heard bits and pieces of what he
was saying to me; they were as abstract as the Highlights Hidden Picture game,
and in my mind I was wondering, 'how can you possibly be telling me that I have
CANCER, when I'm holding my 3 year old son? What the hell is the matter
with these people? Don't they know I'm only 33 years old? You people are out of
your f*&^%ing minds; I have to go now because I have a busy day ahead, it's my
girlfriends birthday, I got a new publication yesterday and feel proud...don't
ruin this for me. IT'S BEEN HARD ENOUGH LATELY, you selfish sons of bitches, now goodbye'.
Instead, I stood there with a smile on my face, half glancing down toward the
highlights book as if to still be helping my sidekick even though he'd lost
interest 10 minutes ago, and all I could say was, "OK, then, so do I
reschedule? Because today, I have so many cool things happening, and it's my
friend's birthday, and I just want to have a good day".
I'm sure I sounded insane, because looking back at that statement, I can see I
had momentarily 'checked out' for lack of a better term, but I didn't know how
else to cope right there, in that moment, on the spot. He said to please see
Jessica on my way out.
Well,
I hated Jessica right about then,
so I made no promises; just tilted my head and half smiled....actually, I
wonder now if my mouth even moved. I felt blank, as if I were just going
through motions on set as movie extra. There was NOTHING there. I was gone.
I still want out of my own skin many days. I'm sure I will feel this way until I know
for sure that anything that can harm me is gone. When I
let myself think negatively, I get terrified. When I let myself feel self fear, I fall apart. When I educate, I share empowerment. When I
count my blessings, I feel God with me.
Below is some information regarding Melanoma Skin Cancer; please educate
yourselves. This is an invasive form of cancer, but the earlier it is detected,
the better. And what can you DO for me? The only thing I want is for
others to read this information I've provided below. That all I ask. Spreading
the message and educating others gives me peace in the divine purpose of this
experience.
Thank you.
Elle Febbo
elle@barefootsisterhood.com
www.ellefebbo.com
WHAT IS MELANOMA? Let me tell you.
Melanoma is a form of skin cancer that starts in the pigment producing skin
cells called Melanocytes. These cells become abnormal, grow uncontrollably, and
aggressively, invading surrounding tissues. Although melanoma is less common
than other types of skin cancer, it is the most serious, make no
mistake! Fortunately, melanoma may be cured if caught and treated in its early
stages while it still affects only the skin. In more advanced stages, it
may spread, or metastasize, through the blood or lymph system to other organs
and bones, making cure less likely.
What causes melanoma? I hoped you'd ask.
Melanoma often is caused by too much sun exposure. Damage to the genetic
material or DNA of melanocytes from sun exposure and UV
light radiation is a major cause of melanoma. Melanoma can also be caused by
other factors, including a family history of melanoma and the presence of
abnormal, or atypical, moles. Although atypical moles are not cancerous, their
presence is a sign of an inherited tendency to develop melanoma.
The most important sign of melanoma
is a change in a mole or other skin growth, such as a birthmark. Any change in
the shape, size or color of a mole may indicate melanoma. Melanoma usually
looks like a flat, brown or black mole that has irregular, uneven borders,
and is not symmetrical. Melanoma skin growths may be 6 mm (0.2 in.) or larger.
A melanoma may be lumpy or rounded, change color, become crusty, ooze, or
bleed. Melanoma can develop in an existing mole or other mark on the skin, but
it often develops in unmarked skin. Although melanoma can grow anywhere on the
body, it frequently occurs on the upper back of men and women and on the legs
in women. Less commonly, it can develop under the nails or on the soles of the
feet, the palms of the hands, or the mucous membranes that line body cavities
such as the mouth, the rectum, and the vagina. Who knew?
How is melanoma diagnosed, you asked? Good question...
Your health professional will examine your skin to look for melanoma. If he or
she suspects melanoma, a biopsy of the affected skin is needed to make a
diagnosis. For this, your health professional will remove a sample of tissue,
and a pathologist will examine it under a microscope to check for cancer
cells. If the biopsy shows melanoma, more testing, such as a syntenal lymphnode
biopsy may be necessary to determine whether the melanoma has spread to the
lymph nodes.
How is it treated?
Melanomas detected at an early stage have the best chance for cure, as is with
true for most cancers. Surgical removal, or excision, of the melanoma is the
most effective treatment. Surgical removal just might be all that is needed for
early melanomas that have not spread, or metastasized, to other parts of the
body. Depending on the area of the body and how thick the melanoma is, you
may need plastic surgery to repair the scar left by surgery. After surgery, you
will have regular follow-up appointments with your health professional-every 3
to 6 months for 5 years, then annually-to monitor for return of the cancer and
to detect new melanomas. For melanomas that have spread to the lymph nodes, a
medication called interferon usually is given to fight the cancer cells.
Melanoma that has spread to distant parts of the body is rarely curable;
however, as with everything else, several medications are currently under close
study.
How can I prevent melanoma? You have power.
You can prevent all forms of skin cancer, including melanoma, by avoiding overexposure
to ultra violet UV rays.
· Use a sunscreen with an SPF of least 15 daily.
· Stay out of the sun during the midday hours (10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.). (Always watch for your shadow to be taller
than you are).
· Use a higher SPF when at higher elevations.
· Avoid sunbathing and tanning salons. UV rays from artificial sources
such as tanning beds and sunlamps are
just as dangerous as those from the sun
-
If possible, know your genetic
history.
Abundant blessings and healthy skin to you,
Elle
**In honor of my dear friend and fellow survivor, Samantha Channels, founder of GOTSUNBLOCK.COM.
As I post this, Samantha is in surgery having 60% of her liver removed from the spread of Melanoma. Please visit GOTSUNBLOCK.COM today to show your support.
Samantha, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION...our love is with you now and through your recovery, Sister.
♥
